My son is the one who drives me crazy but he is my life. He’s 9 years old and ridiculously smart when it comes to animals. His dream is to go work at Australia Zoo with Steve Irwin’s family. I remember when he was younger he came up to me with some random animal fact that seemed to weird to be true…a Google search later proved that he was right. I love his thirst of knowledge and ability to remember it all.

He takes meds for adhd. He is a relatively mild case, but the meds definitely help him concentrate during school. A few weeks ago we noticed that he was barely eating anything despite being at sports practice every day. His mood also seemed more “down” than normal (which is something I look for carefully because I don’t want my kids suffering like I have). In a joint discussion with him, we decided to take the summer off of his med. Let his little body regulate and recover from daily medications. He’s s grown almost two years since we started his medication…so we weren’t sure what to expect. His eating improved almost instantly. His emotions are more even, but he is still my emotional child. However, with taking him off his meds, come his struggles with other things. He’s loud. It’s just who he is. It takes constant reminders about being quiet and “back it down”. He jumps subjects when he’s excited about stuff and will not always make sense to those around. He could be talking about something that happened 5 minutes ago or something that happened 5 weeks ago. But to him, in that moment, it’s important. He will repeat whatever he has to say over and over…and over…until he feels like he is being listened to and understood. They are his little quirks and yes, they can be annoying at times, but he is a 9 year old boy.

He is a 9 year old boy that keeps me on my toes…whether it’s stitches in his lip or bruises that appear out of no where. Or maybe the ride to the children’s hospital where he’s in the backseat trying to sing to me while we drive to meet the facial trauma team. Or sitting down in the middle of a parking garage because he’s high from hospital pain killers. Or the excited little man who breaks a team record and just wants to celebrate.

He also has a heart of gold. He’s the kid who will save half of his dinner for his sister because he knows she likes it. He’s the kid who when he can’t remember the all important thing he had to tell me (and say my name 15 times) will tell me that he loves me. He’s the kid that still wants to sit in my lap and snuggle…even if he doesn’t quite fit anymore. He’s the one that wants to make sure that no one around him is left out. He’s the 9 year old that I want to pause just for a little bit so I can love him even harder for a little bit longer.

While on vacation this year he struggled. He was talking a mile a minute whether people wanted to hear him or not. He had trouble waiting his turn. He complained/cried when things weren’t fair. He forgot his manners and the words please and thank you we’re not used nearly enough. Yes, he’s hard to deal with at times, but he’s 9. He spent over a week with having no friends his age to keep him company. He went from having a sister to play with to her spending time with older kids and thinking her brother is lame. He felt liked he had to compete for attention from anyone.

My mama bear came out when someone told him he was a young child…just a fetus that didn’t matter (for that conversation). Absolutely fucking not. He matters. Gentle testing is one thing…but bullying is NOT okay. It’s bad enough that kids are bullied by kids their own age…I shouldn’t have to worry about it from someone who is (at least age wise) an adult. Someone that I considered a friend. My mama heart hurts.

I just want to snuggle up with him and take away any hurt feelings. After all…when he moves to Australia for his dream job, he’ll be so far away. But as he tells me “don’t worry mom…I’ll put an air mattress on the floor for you when you visit.”