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I personally think that there are more people that have dealt with infidelity in a relationship than we think. It’s “easy” to come out with infidelity when you are the one “wronged” and you choose to end the relationship. But what about those of us who have stayed in the relationship? What about those of us who have chosen to fight and have the hard conversations and decided to save what we have? It’s been on my mind a lot lately… and I have all sorts of random thoughts that go with it. So, as with lots of things…it’s best for me to get them out of my head:

  • I don’t think I believe in the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater”
  • Trust is a hard thing to lose and even harder to rebuild
  • Cheating is a form of abuse, but I don’t feel like an abuse victim
  • I don’t think people know where to turn when it happens to them
  • It’s “easy” for people to sympathize with the person who was cheated on
  • I think the cheater often feels way more things than we give them credit for
  • The road to forgiveness is full of twists and turns along the way
  • my God loves them and forgives them
  • It’s easy to feel alone and like you’re the only one who’s traveled this path
  • It’s okay to have setbacks
  • Controlling the cheater isn’t going to help make things better
  • You can only change yourself, no one else
  • I think that as much as society wants to tell us that it’s a black or white issue, it’s 50 shades of grey (only a slight pun intended)
  • New Relationship Energy is real and it makes people stupid
  • Our healing all looks different
  • It can be a million different reasons why it happened
  • Be willing to look inside yourself
  • In the eyes of the person who is cheated on, what seems like love and forgiveness to them can look like control to other people
  • We often feel like we have to choose a side to stand on…why can’t we support both people
  • Showing compassion for someone who cheated is seen as a disgrace by society
  • Therapy is important
  • A new and different relationship is going to be necessary
  • Understand that both parts of the marriage had a part to play
  • Communicating the hard/bad things is necessary
  • Uncertainty is a part of life
  • Be willing to ask for help and advice
  • Be willing to throw that advice right out the window
  • Transparency is necessary but tricky
  • You need to rebuild your foundation
  • Set healthy boundaries without controlling
  • Staying in a marriage doesn’t make someone weak
  • “Friends” may become toxic if they don’t agree with you staying
  • People won’t understand your decision
  • Be willing to reassure each other when it’s needed
  • Don’t let it define you or your relationship

As much as I could keep going…it boils down to one thing. Do what works for you.

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