goodbye john

Dear John,

I have tried on multiple occasions to try and see if we could be friends again…Facebook, Snapchat, Fetlife.

After a year and a half of being broken up, I get a message from you, and you say that although we “had fun” that we can’t be friends again because I hurt your wife.  I might have hurt your wife when we broke up, but to me…I wanted to know that you missed me…that you were hurt too. 

We spent every day together for 6 months basically playing house while our spouses did the same thing together and all we did was “have fun” in your eyes?  Wow.  There are so many things that I have wanted to tell you for the past year and half…like how I had been suicidal at the time of our breakup, that I loved you, that I was sorry for hurting you…not to mention all of the things that involved the other people in our relationship…but to you we were just having fun.  Okay.  Here I thought that the love you treated me with was more than just an act. 

My only regret is not knowing this side of you a year and a half ago.  Maybe then I wouldn’t have spent months missing you and wondering if you ever thought about me.  Maybe then I could have left my love for you in the past. 

I will look back on that six-month period of my life with some amazing times between us… moments of friendship, moments of learning and growth, moments of great sex and intimacy.  But I finally feel like I can let you go. 

I hope that you are happy and feel the love that you should. 

Goodbye John. 

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