I remember when I first became a mom. During those first few months when sleep was hard to come by and my entire life was changing faster than I knew was possible. One of the things that close friends of the time told me was that “It takes a village.”
Well sure…young baby who can’t survive by themselves that everyone wants to snuggle. New mom and dad with no sleep. We are told to rely on our friends and family. Our village surrounds our newborn child and hold them up. I had this…my village was amazing.
Fast forward and my village isn’t the same. Lots of my village has moved on and changed. My village is almost non-existent anymore. But as I sit and reflect on my life…I long for a village.
I have been feeling that heartache of missing John and Jackie again, but after talking it out with my therapist…I don’t necessarily miss them as much as I miss my village. They were my tribe. So as I have been thinking about it…what am I missing now? What would my ideal be?
I want the village around me. People who can support me and love me. People who help me raise my children when I’m running late. People who love them as much as I do.
So what did John and Jackie provide in the idea of my village? Take away the realizations that I’ve had since then about the dysfunction and manipulation. They helped me with some of those basic needs in life. I was never alone. Now, as an introvert this might seem a little different, but I always had someone to lay my head next to at night. When my hubby worked late or was out with friends, I wasn’t alone. I felt like I belonged and that I was loved. I felt the security that I craved at that time. I was told that they would never let anything happen to me…and I believed them. I never had to worry about food on the table or making sure that people were full…we worked together to make sure that the grocery shopping was done for both houses and that all the meals were covered. The children had grownups around that allowed them to be safe and yet explore on their own. Everyone got taken to practices and treats as we could during the early days of covid. We were able to take turns being good cop and bad cop. There was always someone to help me. There was always someone to support me. There was always someone to turn to. There was always someone to love me.
What if I want that village now? I want that super close community…where we can bring different strengths and be together. Live together (or in separate houses on the same land). Landscape together. Garden together. Parent together. Raise animals together. Cook together. Shop together. Eat together. Challenge each other. Laugh together. Cry together. Support each other.
Think more commune-style and less cult-style.
Would the sex aspect be fun like it was with John and Jackie? Sure. Would I need it? Nope. Would I turn down a sexual relationship with others if it was mutual? Probably not. In this instance, sex isn’t my motivating factor. I want the community. I want the closeness of friends who become family. I want the love of others.
Would you join my village with me?