fears

I live with anxiety and depression. I don’t know when it’s going to strike and what is going to be my tipping point…which can easily lead to a panic attack if I can’t/don’t stop the fears.

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The thing that I have learned is many of my fears are unrealistic. I would even dare to say that my fears are stupid. However, it doesn’t make them less real.

  • * fear of inadequacy
  • * fear of failure
  • * fear of rejection
  • * fear of missing out
  • * fear of losing control
  • * fear of being judged
  • * fear of loneliness
  • * fear of getting hurt
  • * fear of success
  • * fear of loss
  • * fear of losing my identity/finding my new identity
  • * fear of uncertainty
  • * fear of something bad happening
  • * fear of disappointment
  • * fear of ridicule
  • * fear that I’m not good enough
  • * fear that I’ll mess things up
  • * fear that I will love them more than they love me
  • * fear of emotional pain
  • * fear of embarrassment
  • * fear of expressing my true feelings
  • * fear of the unknown

My therapist loves the fact that I listed my fears for her. To me it caused anxiety. I know that I need to work through them. I know that many of them have underlying issues that have caused me to think and feel this way and now it’s so habitual that it’s “normal” for me.

I’m not exactly sure where to even start in that process. It’s something my therapist and I are going to work on.

In preparation for all of these future conversations and journeys that I’m going to process, I have come up with a list of questions that I want to ask myself about these fears:

  • Am I afraid of the process or result
  • Can I handle the process/outcome
  • Do I feel confident in my abilities
  • Do I have to or do I want to
  • Do I have enough information
  • Am I trying to protect myself
  • Can I learn more
  • Am I scared to make a mistake
  • Am I adopting someone else’s fear
  • Am I wrong
  • What feelings accompany the fear
  • What type of judgement might come
  • Is my fear a truth
  • Do I think I’ll have regret
  • Is there substantial evidence for my thoughts
  • Is there evidence contrary to my thought
  • Am I attempting to interpret this situation without all the evidence
  • What would a friend think about this situation
  • If I look at the situation positively, how is it different
  • Will this matter in a year

When you look up acronyms for fear, you can find all sorts of them:
False Evidence Appearing Real
Face Everything And Rise
For Everything A Reason

and many many more… I was hoping to find something that spoke to me…and although they are good, there wasn’t one that jumped out more. So then I was hoping to figure out a different way to look at my fears
as a challenge
as motivation
as curiosity
as guidance
as useful
as wisdom
as a catalyst

the one that struck me the most in my “research” was:

FEAR = the absence of love

Yikes…this is going to be a bumpy ride as I work through these. Here I go.

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