that assignment was hard

Remember that writing assignment that my therapist told me to do?  Go live in the anger and the feelings of that time.  Write.  Write it all down.  Get it on paper.  Don’t re-read it.  Don’t edit it.  Don’t censor it.  Just write.  Get it on paper. 

Yikes.  9 ½ typed, single-spaced, 1” margin pages later I stopped writing.  When I started writing it I thought I’d share it here.  And maybe someday I will, but right now I’m not ready. 

It’s crazy how an assignment like that can stir up all sorts of emotions.  Anger.  Sadness.  Regrets.  Loss.  Sometimes we need to sit in those emotions in order to process them…but that sure as hell doesn’t mean that it’s easy.  Or enjoyable. 

Things it taught me?  I can tell myself all day long that I’m healed and that I’ve made it past it.  But the truth is that I still have work to do.  I still have things that need to process.  I still have moments where I’m in the middle of it. 

But I don’t know that it will ever be something that I truly get past.  Learn to deal with?  Sure.  Learn to grow from?  Sure.  But truly move past?  I don’t know.  It is something that I will have to deal with the feelings with forever…hopefully I’ll be able to deal with everything is a healthier way. 

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