im fine

It’s the answer we all give …even though we all know that we are full of a bunch of shit and we’re not really fine at all.

It’s the easy answer.

It’s the answer that people won’t question.

It’s the safe answer.

I know I’m not fine. I know that decreasing my medications to wean me off so I can try something new is fucking with me. Logically I know I’m fine. Emotionally I’m far from fine.

But it’s inviting and I want to step into it. It’s safe here. I have no one to impress here. I have no one yelling at me here. I have no one that I need to take care of here. Im just here. Alone.

Stepping in takes courage. I can feel it around me. I logically know I should fight it… but I’m tired. I’m tired of fighting to be happy and the version that people want. I’m tired of fighting to just be “fine”.

At least when I’ve developed the courage to step into this…I’m not fighting to be fine.

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