Fake it til you make it? That’s the saying… but I’m exhausted.

Faking it takes time and energy. Keeping my story straight with who knows how much. What if I mess it up?

Faking it helps me keep people at an arms length. Besides…everyone that I’ve let in closer in the past leaves anyway.

If I fake it then no one really knows how quickly I can go from “happy and great” to “maybe I should leave” to “I want to die”. If I fake it, then I’m always just “good”.

Faking it keeps people happy.

So, I guess I’ll just keep faking it and put on the smile so I’m “okay”.