Last night I wanted to die. The holidays are hitting me harder this year than in the past. The amount of things that I've been trying to process and let go of finally hit me last night. It's a scary thing to feel like death is the better option. For those who know what that …
Tag: depression
maybe it’s time for goodbye
I've been on the fence about writing this post all day...partly because I know that if certain friends read it, they are going to know who I'm talking about even if I were to leave names out. But at the same time, I have found that if there is something that is on my mind …
let me be
I’m not going to lie and say that the past couple of weeks have been easy…they haven’t. My doctor and I have been changing my meds and I had a horribly bad reaction to one of them that led to suicide contemplation and thoughts of hurting myself. In twenty plus years of being on meds, …
through my eyes
Do you have anyone in your life that you look at and you see who they really are? Not just the physical side, but you see them? There is something special about seeing a friend for who they really are. My BFF is going through some hard times lately...feeling angry, sad, guilty, and unworthy. But …
the answer shouldn’t be no
So last week I had my therapy appointment…I knew it was going to be a hard session just because I felt blah for lack of a better term. After some conversation, a question series of questions was posed. Do you love yourself? Do you like yourself? Do you remember the last time you felt either …
today
It's easier to hide. To crawl up under a blanket and pull it over my head and pretend that the rest of the world doesn't exist. No lights on. No music or tv. Quiet...except for the noises from outside that come in over the sound of the fan. These are what I'm feeling today.
disappointment
I work in HR. Part of my job is to give disappointing news to people. Sorry, your background check hasn't returned. Sorry, we'll need to postpone your start date. Sorry, we will not be moving forward with your application at this time. I give disappointing news on a somewhat regular basis. I don't have a …
doubts
Do you ever have one of those days where you have doubts? Everything from what to wear in the morning to if you can perform your job well to if your friends still care to if you’re loved? …and everything else in between. That’s where I’m at today. My mind is racing with all …
and then they weren’t
Things were good until they weren’t. Have you ever felt that way? Hubby met her through an online dating site. He figured he’d get tossed to the side pretty quickly with her. Her experience in a open marriage was much more and we were still relatively new to all of it. After they hooked up …
scared and broken
I’m in that place now…and trying really hard to not do my normal…shut down and cry. So instead, I’ll write. It’s scary sometimes how quickly I can go from being in a good place to feeling scared and broken. A matter of minutes. I get triggered by words or an action and that is the …
Journey to Exist 