Every once and awhile, feelings appear that we aren’t expecting. They sneak up and hit you like a brick wall. If you’re lucky enough, you’ll know what the feelings are related to and you’ll know what they re and how to help get through them. But sometimes we aren’t so lucky…we might only get half of the equation. Or none of it at all.

Hubby and Georgette were gone for the weekend. They both had a work thing in the same city, so they are also took the opportunity to spend the time they weren’t at their conferences to spend uninterrupted time together in their hotel room.

I don’t know if jealous is the right word…because I am happy they are together. I am happy that they can explore each other physically, emotionally, intellectually.

But at the same time I am struggling. Struggling with the rabbit holes of “what ifs” that are going round and round in my head. What if they don’t enjoy their time. If they don’t call me. What if they discover they don’t want to be a throuple anymore. What if they decide they are better off without me. What if they come back with secrets they don’t want to share. What if they don’t realize I’m still here.

The rabbit holes run deep. They are slippery slopes that are hard to stop once you start.

The clouds of doubt are hard to deal with.

But i want them both in my life.