maybe it won’t

At what point do I know the mania has ended?  At what point is it no longer risky decisions, overspending, less sleep, easily distracted, confidence, and racing thoughts that are attributed to bipolar?  At what point do I wonder if I’m living in a constant state of NRE instead?  At what point are the decisions I’m making in my life right now because I’m happy?  Excited about where I’m at?  Feel a confidence because I’m comfortable?  Surrounded by people who love me and have my best interest at heart?  At what point do I say that I like where I’m at? 

At what point do I say that I have my people around me and I know that it’s good…that even if I start to slip down or start riding that high…that those people…my people will be there to support me so I don’t crash.  That they will help me find my way back. 

I mean…is this happiness?  Is this what it’s supposed to feel like?  Is this what it feels like when you aren’t constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop?  Maybe I’m naïve.  Maybe I’m about to crash in spectacular fashion.  Maybe the other shoe dropping will end in complete disaster.  But…maybe it won’t. 

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