One of the things that I love about polyamory, is that there is no “typical” relationship.  Everyone who practices poly will look a little different.  It’s so different than the monogamous world. 

Hubby and I got into this great discussion last night about the status of our marriage and how we want poly to work.  And the beautiful thing is that we can design our wants.  Obviously we take into account those of our partners, but together we find what works for us. 

So in our 4 years of being poly we have learned quite a few things.  We started out with all the rules that the other person had to follow in order for it to work.  We no longer have those rules.  We’ve learned that we don’t need the rules if we keep our line of communication open. 

For me, it’s constantly trying to figure out what I want out of poly

What I realize I want in my immediate polycule is a platonic partner.  Comfort.  Love.  Vulnerability.  Laughter.  Safety.  Conversation.  Emotion.  Sure, the sex part is great, but where I am in my life right now, I don’t need another steady sexual partner.  What I want is a friend…but on a deeper level than that of a best friend.  Ideally this would be my hubby’s partner.  His partner now is more of a friend with benefits.  I want a steady girlfriend.  Someone that we can both connect with.  (I’ve tried enough times in my life to know that although I will flirt and make out with someone of the same sex while drunk, I am not interested in a sexual relationship with a female.)  But the idea of that closeness with someone who also has that relationship with my husband is what I want.  We have an amazing marriage… and that would enhance everything. 

We thought we had that with our quad relationship with John and Jackie.  But we all know that that turned into a big shit show.  John actually provided me with more of the friendship than Jackie ever did, but that is beside the point.