“How are you?”
“Fine. How are you?”
Most of the time I’m not just fine. That’s not how my emotions work. I have big feelings. I have big beliefs. I have stories and dreams. I have memories and regrets.
But I don’t share those feelings.
I want to be known. But I’m terrified of letting my walls down and letting people know me. If I let down my walls down, that means you know me. If you know me, then you have more power to hurt me.
I find it ironic that my readers who tune in and read my blog know parts of my life…my feelings and fears…my memories and dreams… more than the majority of people in my “real” life. I don’t have to pretend here. I don’t have to say I’m “fine” when I’m actually not. I don’t have to be monogamous when I am really open. I don’t have to be anything other than who I am at that exact moment.
My readers have become my people. My community. People who have read about my life and continued to read anyways. People who have made comments or sent me messages. People who are along this crazy rollercoaster ride with me.