I love when my bff asks me questions. It allows me to focus in on a topic and really figure out what I want to say…and hopefully not get sidetracked while writing it! and because of her wonderfully curious mind…tonight’s topic: Degredation. Tonight, she even gave me questions that she has with it.

1) how did you discover it – To be honest, I probably “discovered” this a long time ago, but didn’t fully realize it until I was with Jackie. Jackie was big into degredation and would talk to me all about it. It was intriguing for me. Jackie was the strong woman who took no shit from anyone…so the idea of her allowing someone to degrade her in the bedroom was unthinkable for me. So, like many things in my relationship with her, I learned and listened and started experimenting.

2) why do you like it – I like it because of the power play aspect. I tend to think of myself as a somewhat independent female…although I like being with my husband, I wouldn’t “need” him to survive (although I love him and do need him). I like being tied up. I like being spanked. I like being whipped and flogged. I like light biting and light choking. Despite all of that, when I think of degredation, that isn’t the stuff that comes to mind…to me, the degredation that I think of is the verbal stuff. Getting called a “slut” or a “whore” or being told that I am his “favorite fuck toy”. In the middle of sex, I find it incredibly hot to hear someone tell me “suck me harder, slut”.

Photo by Anna Shvets on

3) who do you allow this “privilege ” – two people. Hubby and Paul. It takes a certain level of trust, and for whatever reason, at this particular juncture in my life those are my two people who can call me anything during sex. They trust me to tell them if it crosses a line, and I trust them to stop it if it does.

4) how do you keep it separate from main life and not dwell on it – Well…first I trust them to not call me anything degrading when addressing me for things other than sex. If my hubby were to walk up to me and call me a whore, he might get kicked in the balls…but if we are talking about sex or are engaged in a sexual situation, it’s okay. If Paul and I are talking about sex, he can call me his fuck toy…but if we’re talking about work or home life, then he better not. It’s also about communication… they know I like to be verbally degraded, but if they say something and it hurts my feelings or it’s not the right place or time or I’m not in the right mind frame for it, I HAVE to tell them. It’s my responsibility to. They have to be able to trust me.

5) do YOU like to degrade your partner – absolutely not. As much as I want someone to do and say things to me, I have absolutely no want to do those things to my partner. Don’t get me wrong…I’ve tried, and although I will do some things…it’s not for my pleasure…in which case, I am not asked to anymore…and I’m okay with that.

We all have different things that we like and different things that turn us on. Sometimes, we don’t know what is going to turn us on or take a good orgasm to a spectacular orgasm until we experience it. It might work with one person but not with someone else. It doesn’t mean that what we like or do is wrong, as long as it’s consensual and there is open communication.

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