For those of you who don’t know what brain spotting is… it’s fascinating. I did my first session last night with my therapist. I don’t even know where to begin to talk about it. It’s somewhat similar to EMDR therapy. However, bestest therapist ever JoAnn told me to journal about some of the thoughts that I had/remembered from my session. So here goes nothing. I still don’t understand a lot of it, but hopefully at some point, it will allow me to begin healing.
Initial Issue: I love John and I need to let him go.
All the thoughts that I remember having:
- He treated me with love.
- he let Jackie treat him like shit.
- he let Jackie treat me like shit.
- Hubby says he saw me upset but didn’t do anything
- John didn’t choose me
- Hubby did
- Jackie was abusing
- I didn’t enjoy it
- No one was there to save me
- I didn’t leave
- I wanted to save John.
- He didn’t pick me.
- I wasn’t enough.
- I’m never enough
- Everyone always leaves.
- Dr. B
- Mr B
- I couldn’t stay
- I deserve more than everyone has ever given me
Physical Aspects I felt:
- My hands were stuck. My thumb, index finger, and middle finger felt like they were nailed to my bed next to me. I wanted so badly to pull my hands away and I couldn’t.
- My jaw was so tight…it got tighter as the session went on. (still feel the residual effects of that today)
- Tears rolled down my face at times
- swallowing was more noticeable
When I came out of my session, I was absolutely exhausted. Despite being exhausted, I didn’t sleep well. I felt very restless. I had some vivid dreams, which is unlike me.