brain spotting

For those of you who don’t know what brain spotting is… it’s fascinating. I did my first session last night with my therapist. I don’t even know where to begin to talk about it. It’s somewhat similar to EMDR therapy. However, bestest therapist ever JoAnn told me to journal about some of the thoughts that I had/remembered from my session. So here goes nothing. I still don’t understand a lot of it, but hopefully at some point, it will allow me to begin healing.

Photo by Nadezhda Moryak on

Initial Issue: I love John and I need to let him go.

All the thoughts that I remember having:

  • He treated me with love.
  • he let Jackie treat him like shit.
  • he let Jackie treat me like shit.
  • Hubby says he saw me upset but didn’t do anything
  • John didn’t choose me
  • Hubby did
  • Jackie was abusing
  • I didn’t enjoy it
  • No one was there to save me
  • I didn’t leave
  • I wanted to save John.
  • He didn’t pick me.
  • I wasn’t enough.
  • I’m never enough
  • Everyone always leaves.
  • Annie
  • Margaret
  • Tashina
  • Cait
  • Aaron
  • Westy
  • Chris
  • Seth
  • Dr. B
  • Mr B
  • Grandpa
  • Grandma
  • Grandpa
  • I couldn’t stay
  • I deserve more than everyone has ever given me

Physical Aspects I felt:

  • My hands were stuck. My thumb, index finger, and middle finger felt like they were nailed to my bed next to me. I wanted so badly to pull my hands away and I couldn’t.
  • My jaw was so tight…it got tighter as the session went on. (still feel the residual effects of that today)
  • Tears rolled down my face at times
  • swallowing was more noticeable

When I came out of my session, I was absolutely exhausted. Despite being exhausted, I didn’t sleep well. I felt very restless. I had some vivid dreams, which is unlike me.

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