I’ve mentioned it before…when something big is going to happen, I can tell…I feel uneasy. The energy is unsettled around me. My most wonderfulest therapist and I are working on processing things… my next goal is to process and let go of John.

John was one quarter of our quad relationship. I never thought that he would like me or that I would like him. He wasn’t my type. The first time we were together, it was because our respective spouses decided that we would get along well. John spoiled me. Bubble baths and backrubs. Brushing hair out of my face. Helping me study. Playing games together. Laughing and smiling at each other every day. The sex was great. He made me feel good about myself. He made me feel appreciated. He kissed me with passion. We even parented our kids together.

I loved John. Yes, as a friend, but as my boyfriend and lover. He and I had something different than I had experienced before.

That was 15 months ago, but I still think about him. I never said goodbye when our big breakup happened. I never gave him a kiss or told him that I loved him. I never wanted to walk away from him (it was his other half that I needed away from). I wanted to protect him and love him. I wanted him to be happy and to smile.

But as much as I loved him…and still do…I need to let go. I need to move on.