Who am I. Who am I meant to be.
Woman. Wife. Mom. Daughter. Daughter in law. Sister. Sister in law. Friend. Aunt. Granddaughter. Niece. Cousin. Chauffeur. Cook. Maid. Musician. Employee. Writer. Girlfriend. Friend with benefits.
Those are all nice titles…but that’s not who I want to be defined as. Those titles describe things that a lot of people are. What differentiates me from those people with the same titles? I don’t want to be seen as my titles. Sure, all of those things are accurate. I am all of those to different people in my life, but that’s not who I am.
When I started therapy I remember saying that I don’t know who I am anymore. Anymore? Wait…have I ever truly felt like I knew who I was? Not who other people wanted me to be…who I am. Who do I want to be? What do I want to stand for? What do I want to believe in?
As a people pleaser, I’ve always molded myself to the situation and people around me. Most of the time, I’d rather squash my own feelings and thoughts in order to make peace. But in the process of doing that mixed with regular life, I have lost my path. I don’t know who I’m supposed to be.
I feel like I’m searching for something and the haze that surrounds it is making it hard to see my path and move forward.
I don’t know who I am right now, but I’m trying to figure it out. It’s the journey to get to my next point. I don’t plan on getting to a point where I decide that I’m done growing. I don’t want to get there. I want to figure out what suits me and where I am comfortable. I want to test my thoughts and beliefs. I want to learn and grow more. I want to expand my thoughts, not narrow them in.