There was a group of friends…three couples including hubby and I. We have been friends for many years. We’ve taken long weekends together. We got together often. As lots of groups of three go, there was always one couple that wasn’t as close as the others. That couple was pretty much me and my hubby. It hurt sometimes, I knew they spent more time together…hell…they practically lived at each others houses. But I was the young one of the group by 10+ years…my kids are still little, I didn’t have my career set up…even though it hurt, it made sense. I was jealous of their friendship. They even bought property together so they could grow old being the best of friends.
Everything was going great… until it wasn’t.
I got a text reply “ask the fucking cunt who used to be my best friend”. Obviously something was wrong. Something huge. I knew in my heart. Come to find out that a 15-month affair had been going on between two of them. My heart was broken for everyone involved. I loved these four people with all of my heart. That text came 2 1/2 months ago. Not only did an extramarital affair happen, but an abrupt horrible ending to a deep friendship.
These two couples. They were my friends. They were my go-to people for life’s happenings. Now here I am. Stuck in the middle. I don’t want to lose the friendship of either side. I’ve been very open and upfront about that from the moment I found out.
To find out your husband is cheating with your best friend. It hurts. I know. I’ve been there (that’s for another time). I know that I was sad and depressed and a flat out bitch for years…I get it. But now that I am watching, I see it differently. Controlling your husband is not a healthy reaction. You can’t force other people to change. You can’t criticize them for how the other side chooses to move forward. When you are the one who was “wronged” in the situation, it’s easy to blame everyone else…especially the “other woman”. You can’t continue to push people away and then wonder why you’re alone.
Yes, she had an affair with her best friend’s husband. She’s apologized multiple times and is actively taking steps to better herself. She sees a counselor. She’s reading material on self-growth and forgiveness. She’s admitted to her mistakes and answered the questions as they have been asked.
I know they don’t want me to have to choose sides, and I commend them for that. But at the same time, one is being mean. She doesn’t see anything wrong with what she’s doing. She said she wouldn’t apologize for anything she’s done, because she wasn’t in the wrong. That bothers me. I want to tell myself it’s because she is angry and it hasn’t been that long…but is that really the case?
Do I condone the affair? Of course not. Do I think that they intentionally set out to hurt their spouses? Absolutely not. Do I think that it’s “easy” to go with it once the avalanche has started? Yup. Do I blame either one? No. Do I think they are bad people? No.
I still love them all. Our friendships have forever changed. My love for them has changed. I want to be there for all of them. I doubt they’ll all let me. I have already felt the pushing away. It’s hard, but I can’t take that personally. I am doing what I know is best for me, and that’s all I can do. How they choose to move forward and heal is their choice. I will continue to be here.