True Belonging

Is there anywhere that you feel you belong? Truly belong. The feeling that when you are there, that it doesn’t matter what “mask” you have held up before, that you can put it down and that you still belong. Maybe for you it’s not a place, maybe it’s a person that you are with. The person that laughs with you and cries with you and most importantly doesn’t judge you.

What an amazing idea. A place where and a person with whom you feel you truly belong. Not wondering if the judgement is behind the words of friends or the stares of strangers. Knowing that the side of myself that is “socially normal” and the side that “steps out of the box” are both accepted and encouraged as a part of me. Trusting that at the end of the day, that I belong.

Unfortunately, my history does not have a place of true belonging – a person or a place. The places all have feelings and judgement that come with them. The people have led to broken hearts and crushed dreams.

Yes, I am married. Yes, he accepts me for who I am and loves me in spite of my flaws. But I need the feeling of true belonging with more than just him. This is something I long for. Deep down, I crave this idea of belonging. I crave to have that place that makes my heart flutter. I yearn for the feeling of belonging in a friendship, where no matter what I do or say that I’m not out in the cold nursing the loss of a friendship.

The hard part with true belonging is that means that I need to open up and be vulnerable. I need to be okay with me – easier said than done. I need to open my heart and invite others in to join me. Yes, there is a possibility of pain, but I can’t have true belonging if I’m not open with those I want to accompany on my journey.

I’ll try and open up. I’ll expose my heart. It’s not going to be easy and I might get hurt along the way. I might want to change my mind and try to backtrack…so be patient with me. I’m chasing that feeling of true belonging and hope that you join me on that journey.

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