Is it okay to be MESSY?

My initial reaction to that question – IT DEPENDS!!

My 8-year-old son almost always has food on his face in some capacity. Don’t ask how or why, he just does. When you ask him if it bothers him, he simply shrugs his shoulders and continues on his way. He doesn’t see a problem being messy. In the grand scheme of things, I can handle his messy face pretty well because the smile that comes with it makes my heart melt.

My children have their own rooms. Girl child has walls that are painted in bubblegum pink. She has a cute narwhal bedding set that she stole from me (yes, I LOVE narwhals). Teal and gray throw pillows sit on her bed and tame the colors of the walls to look like a “teenagers” room rather than the 10-year-old that I still picture as a “little girl”. However, you can barely see the cuteness of her room because of the amount of crap that litters the floor. Clothes – both clean and dirty, blankets, pillows, shoes, stuffed animals, books, toys… the list could go on, but I think you get the picture. Really? Doesn’t it bother you when your clothes are all in a pile? I know it bothers me when you throw clean clothes down the laundry shoot because you never took the time to put them away.

I am diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Although I definitely have more good days than bad lately thanks to an amazing doctor and therapist (that’s for a different day), my feelings are still what I describe as messy. I can go from smiles and laughter to tears and exhaustion rather quickly.

I am not talking about messy in terms of living in filth or garbage. I am not talking about the clutter that seems to grow in my house daily. I am talking about emotional mess.

Emotional mess…that spot where I differ from other opinions or my head and my heart don’t agree. It’s uncomfortable. It’s that point where I have to ask myself hard questions and determine what the next step will be. How big is this messy thing? Is it something easy like taking a washcloth to a dirty face or putting away the folded laundry before it scatters across the floor? Is it the kind of mess that I know is rooted in my relationship with depression? Or is it the kind of mess that causes me to ask the hard question to see where I stand before I answer?

I’ve had to learn how to deal with the messes that come into my life. Some days I deal with grace and love. Other days, I can’t stop the tears from flowing and the messes seem too big to deal with. I need to deal with my messes in a safe and productive way…whether that is talking with a friend, taking time for myself, or my newest adventure – this blog.

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